Break is over. Seemed like a very long break, but turned out to be one of the better ones I have had in a long time. Or what felt like a long time, anyway. Spent time going out with random people, which is usually better than sitting at home. Not to say sitting at home doesn't have it's merits, but hey, I can do that anytime. Got to see many people, which was great.

I was gonna update this two days ago, after reading someone else's entry. But didn't get around to it, and now here I am. I often wonder how many people keep reading this, primarily cause I really don't write all that often. Kind of like...who still keeps coming to this site so faithfully in the face of the same entry, over and over? But alas, that is one of those mysteries I just like to wonder about, not solve. Writing was never really my thing for a long time, but eventually it came around with the rest of English in high school.

School has started again, and seeing as how that is the primary time killer in my life (as opposed to work, etc.), it tends to be the first thing to come to mind. It's more than half over, which puts me not quite on the home stretch, but almost there. So far, the plan is to end in December, and sit on my ass till August, when medical school will start.

Something someone told me earlier during break has me wondering... Does the amount of work differ between different colleges all that much? I think the quality definitely differs, but not so much the amount. Subtle difference between those two. Just wondering whether 20 credits at college A entails a similar amount of work as most other places. If that is true, man that's pretty crappy. If it's not, well I don't know. Whatever. Just interesting little factoid type of thing. It doesn't feel like a LOT of work, but its not a walk in the park. I wonder if that is due to it really not being a lot of work, or my taking 20 credits since start of freshman year, and being used to it. Ah whatever. Anyway, I have my work cut out for me this term though...supposedly 2 very difficult teachers, a research project which I am supposed to "oversee," and one teacher who is all full of shit. I guess that last thing is the real work though, cause that would mean I have to really break down myself and succumb to pretty much sucking up and meaningless participation to get my A—as opposed to having to know the subject. I don't know how that is gonna play out, but either it will go really well or really bad. An interesting class, taught by one of the worst professors. By the term end, I am expecting myself to really dislike Comparative Anatomy. I was wondering, becuase I think I will 'feel' the 20 credits this time.

And I gained weight in all the worst areas, so I have to hit up the gym in between. Not so much to lose it; just to redistribute it.

I can definitely feel my patience wearing thin these days. I don't know why that is...nothing extraordinary that is bugging me. But little things just keep showing themselves. It would really suck if I no longer have the patience. I consider it one of the stronger points in my personality...a long fuse. But it seems to be getting shorter by the day, and that is not good. I don't know if I really have to sit down and search and identify anything that might be the...culprit (?), or if it's some transient thing that will work itself out, or worst of all, if its a permanent change. It's not school, for once. I know that. This has been for a while...maybe two or three weeks. And school just started 3 days ago. So that is definitely not it. Maybe I have to immerse myself in the work, like I used to do. That will probably keep my mind entertained for a while, and maybe that will solve it. Maybe I need to get out and chill with my guys.

Things presently on my mind--goals--thoughts--ideas--words:

- med school year early didnt work (logistical reasons); cant reapply to same places.
- the killers - mr brightside
- my house smells like indian cooking
- must really go to gym
- stay on track with reading assignments
- have to get back into ringer/vibrate switching
- i wanna go somewhere
- go to Europe between Dec and Aug
- maybe wanna move out next term for the hell of it
- don't screw up the research project
- coconut shrimp. YEA.

-------------

But for now, I will do what I have to do.

Business is business.

damn long time since last time, but tawheed has inspired me.

(and beta oxidation of fatty acids is no fun)

oh i couldn't resist...

Birth date: 9 - 84
Birthplace: the motherland, India

Eye color: brown

Hair color: black, with some gray

Righty or Lefty: righty
Zodiac Sign: virgo?

LAYER TWO: ON THE INSIDE

Your heritage: indian
Shoes you wore today: same ones as yesterday...the no shoelace kind

Your weakness: not a clue, but 'good company' does qualify
Your fears: idiocy
Your perfect Pizza: castle hill giant pizza slice in bronx, ny


LAYER THREE: YESTERDAY, TODAY, AND TOMORROW

Your most overused phrase on AIM: LOL
Your thoughts waking up: damn bladder.

Your best physical feature: not a clue again.

Your bedtime: 12 am
Your most missed memory (ies): chilling with the guys; subway ride home from school;

LAYER FOUR: YOUR PICKS

Pepsi or Coke: Pepsi
McDonald's or Burger King: bk

Single or Group Dates:  single.

Adidas or Nike: nike

Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea: LIPTON!!!

Chocolate or Vanilla: depends on the day

Cappuccino or Coffee: capuccino


LAYER FIVE: DO YOU?

Smoke: disgusting

Cuss: on ocassion
Single: no
Take a shower everyday: definitely

Think you've been in love: ya.

Like(d) high school: toward the end.

Want to get married: eventually.

Believe in yourself: dunno how not to.

Get motion sickness: only if i DONT eat.

Think you're attractive: avg decent guy.

Think you're a health freak: definitely not.

Get along with your parents: enh...most of the time.
Like thunderstorms: they're grrrrrrreat. (only if you are inside)

LAYER SIX: IN THE PAST MONTH

Drank alcohol: sipped.
Done a drug: no
Gone on a date: yes
Gone to the mall: damn....yes.
Been on stage: no.
Eaten an entire box of Oreos: never.

Eaten sushi: no but i want some now.

Been dumped: no.
Gone skating: no.
Gone skinny-dipping: no.

Dyed your hair: No.
Stolen anything: haha....yes, yes, and yes.

LAYER SEVEN: HAVE YOU EVER

Played a game that required removal of clothing: yes.
Been trashed or extremely intoxicated: yes.

Been caught "doing something": yes.

Changed who you were to fit in: hard to determine. have i ever? probably.
 

LAYER EIGHT: GETTING OLDER

Age you hope to be married: before 30.
Number of children: no more than 3.
How do you want to die: with mental peace.
What do you want to be when you grow up?: truck driver/artist/bus driver/doctor/architect/video game tester

LAYER NINE: IN A GAL/GUY

Best eye color?: dont have one.

Best hair color?: dont have one of those either.
Short or Long Hair: shoulder length. +/- whatever looks good.

Height: shorter than me.
Best first date location: anything that works. location not important.

LAYER TEN: IN THE NUMBERS

Number of people I could trust with my life: family + 5 maybe?

Number of piercings: 0
Number of tattoos: 0

Number of times my name has appeared in the newspaper: maybe once.

Number of scars on my body: lots.
Number of things in my past that I regret: so far, none.

I wrote an entry last time, but nobody commented. So for this one, I have decided to stop comments all together. Do I really care what anyone thinks? No. Not really. Besides, opinions that matter will find their way.

Narrative tone. Proper punctuation. Inventory of my life. Blunt.

It's my third year in college. This college, a conglomerate of buildings, all with the same logo imprinted on them. My school employs the slightly educated people of Long Island, NY who yearn to have control over others without having much justification for it. These are the professors (which do not profess very well), the people working at Registrar, the Chairpersons of Department X, Y and Z, Vice President of this, Dean of that. Each attempts to impose upon me his own method of things, his own grandoise (or lack thereof) view of the world. Each one I can sit aside and shut up (verb) in a matter of minutes, had I the mind to do so. Or at the very least, I can make them realize their system doesn't work. I tolerate it because... Well, it's because there are just too fucking many of them to sit aside. So go with the flow. And eventually, the universe will work itself out. Yesterday, for example, my glowing MCAT score put the Chair of Life Sciences in his place.

Onto the children. The other component of my college (refer to definiton above) are the students. There are a few thousand, as expected. Using my fingers and my toes, I can count all the ones with an applied IQ over 100. Most of them are too busy looking good trying to find a (-10 second to -2 month) fling they can catch with their dashing good looks, how good their car looks, protecting themsleves from actually having to utilize their brain (which by itslef requires a lot of brainpower), creating excuses during idle time for their idiocy and their lack of intelligence, participating in the student government (which does an utterly terrible job of representing the entire student population), bragging about a test grade from an exam with the level of difficulty of an 11th grade exam, complaing that life is too difficult for their [AGI > $150,000] asses, or satisfying themselves by reading one page out of a textbook and thinking "I did work!"

Sometimes, the really good ones can multitask and do two of those things at once. Each knows it in his head, each refuses to admit it. It becomes a life of lies. A game of "Anything you can lie, I can lie better." I am sure some of them will eventually come around to read this, and to them I say:

    Hah! The joke is on you, fucking dumbasses.

I ended up here because I was lazy in high school. There is no other reason for it. It's not an achievement, its a failure. Take it in stride, make the best of it, work with what you have. It will all be over soon, anyway. Hence, why bother with trying to put them in their place? In the end, all of these people will die anyway. I have done work, commuted, read, thought, researched, studied, applied, utilized and understood. In the true definition of each word. I am not playing victim. I am not asking for pity. I am stating. Nothing more. Nothing more is worth it.

Soon enough, I will be out.

The people I discovered in high school, really have proven to be the best ones I have ever known.

Hopefully, that won't remain true for the rest of my life.

A piece of advice:

   Everybody deserves a second chance. Not a third.
   Your resources, by definition, are limited.

Definitions: college, conglomerate, AGI, intelligent, children.

wow. the xanga is so useless these days. sometimes i wanna write stuff here, thinking to myself it would feel good to lay off a bit from the space of my mind. but then really, whats the point of it? whos gonna read this? and then wow, who is gonna read this?

hence, i don't.

status of life: eh.

all in all, happiness is a fleeting moment. it comes. it goes. it comes again. it goes again.

hometime is the depressant.

11576 is the shot of will.

school will be a chore.

work will be my savior.

my vehicle is my vehicle of delivery.

thats really all i can say. its become annoying. i peruse these xangas sometimes and most of them i cant even stand to finish. its all pointless junk. and i figure why add to it. its getting tiring maintaing the little idealistic views i once held. people have proven to be dissapointments by the lot, and really humanity sometimes would just be better if 40 days of rain were to wash it out.

today a chinese driver cut me off while we were both waiting for a red light. i dunno how he did it. but he managed to break the law in an almost stationary vehicle.

kudos to him.

and whichever one of you wants to be the defensive one about my chinese driver comment, come to flushing and cross the street.

just little things like that. my school needs 10 dollars to send out a transcript, and i am convinced that they wont bill it to my account. instead, 10 dollars they need right then and there. but the 17 thousand, that can wait.

on an unrelated subject.... the uneducated, i have noticed, tend to repeat the same thing over and over, no matter how wrong or beside the point it may seem.

there was a congregation of about 7 people with nothing better to do than to stand in front of my building and hand out the little books about thier religion...whatever it was. and really, i remain convinced that they are convinced that i have nothing better to do than read them.

today at home depot, some dude bought lots of lumber, different kinds. the lady was ringing him up. he didnt know english, and used his fingers to show the lady how many of each kind he had. he pointed too. the lady did him one better and tried to count each herslef. i waited. i moved to a different line. i finished my transaction. i walked past her. the lady was still on it.

i'm not sure how he figured out which lumber was which...seein as how he cant read and all. and really u cant tell pine from oak by smelling it. not at home depot anyway.

at taco bell, the lady after me gave the cashier her cell phone, after pointing at it. the person on the phone ordered. the lady paid. apparently, someone sent her to go to taco bell in a motor vehicle to get food. of course, she cant read the signs on the road much less handle herslef in the event she collides with an english-speaking american native. but hey, a taco supreme and a mexican pizza...no biggie.

after being exposed to things enough, you really cant help but lose all hope. a kid with an abusive mother can stay a pacifist for only so long until he loses hope. not to say i had an abusive mother, but the idea is the same.

seriously, dont leave a comment saying "you can't take everything seriously."

almighty sooch: yes tis a sad day in the life of suchit
almighty sooch: when i debate whether to eat or now
almighty sooch: *not
damnitdivya: apparently
almighty sooch: ?
damnitdivya: apparently..it is a sad day when u ahve to decide
almighty sooch: yes
almighty sooch: there is a fly on my monitor
almighty sooch: right under this window
almighty sooch: like in the ring
damnitdivya: dinner
almighty sooch: the fly?
damnitdivya: sure hwy not
damnitdivya: somethin light
almighty sooch: yea but takes more calories to catch it than it gives me